Hmm, does this sound normal?
 

Since I have no clue what a BMW engine should sound like, I made this low quality video... the metallic noise is much less pronounced than it sounds in the video, but I'm curious about it the rest of the engine noise.

Input will be appreciated. ;)

My Engine... BMW X5 3.0i Video by The_Evil_Hare | Photobucket

It is hard to hear in the video because the sound quality is poor, but I think I heard what you are talking about. Is the noise primarily in the front or back of the motor? Also that hissing noise might be a vacuum leak sucking in air. Is there a CEL on? Motor running funny? Let us know.

Yeah it was windy :( The ticking noise seems mostly from the passenger side, while the sucking noise seems to come from the driver side not sure if it's the front or back. I put my hand on the timing chain cover and didn't feel any vibration there, either. No CEL, engine seems to run great, accelerates smoothly, no stumbling or hesitation. Will do some more listening and try to make a better recording.

Hmm, watched some youtube videos, and seems the vacuum noise might be my disa going bad, even though it looks new on the outside. Will pop it out tomorrow and check, as well as the intake boot, maybe the plugs too. Any ideas what else I might check?

You can use a long thin screwdriver as a stethoscope to listen to the various parts of the engine to see where the noise is the loudest. Or, buy a car stethoscope for around $10 at the parts store.
Does the sound change with engine speed? I'll throw in a guess of the sucking sound being a pulley bearing. For how loud it is, that would be a heck of a vacuum leak and not only would it throw a CEL, the engine would run horrible.

Ticking sound isn't apparent, but could be a noisy hydraulic lifter, something going on with the VANOS, actuator valve for the evap system running, or normal fuel injector noise.