Well, that's a friggen mystery then.

The module is from an 05, and on the list of modules that have BT.

It came from eBay, seller says it was tested and working.. they've got good feedback, so I have no reason to doubt that the module is OK.

Fuses all look OK.
When I scan with PA Soft, the Telephone module doesn't show up.

As much as I hate to do it, I might end up having the dealer have a peek at it.

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'04 E53 X5 4.4i
'05 Mazdaspeed MX-5
'00 Saab 9-3 SE Cabrio