1. Neither your insurnace nor their insurance is on your side. You need to really understand this. Yes, YOUR insurnace is marginally better- but at the end of the day they are all trying to protect themselves - to handle this as quickly and cheaply as possible, and NOT to minimize your cost or rating impacts. You need them for info, but don't ask them "what should I do", Ever.

2. You need a great body shop. The BMW approved shops are mediocre at best. BMW drivers are not highly discriminating- "is it shiny?" And "they have a nice waiting room" seem to drive their opinions. BMW paint on new cars is low quality, the hig name shops that secure the 'BMW Approved" label do this to crank in profits. The very best shops tend to go about their busness and don't worry about jumping through hoops.

So, recommendations, word of mouth, reviews. Where are you? SF Bay or Sacto area?

3. You need to understand the laws and rules in CA around insurnace claims and liability.

4. You say the car behind you hit you FIRST, correct? The they were rear ended, and hit you again? This is an EASY one- your insurnace needs to get access to the data recorder in that middle car and see which happened first.

Will they do that? Probably not. They don't care, about you, about your car, your rates. They just as soon process it via your policy that lets them control costs and then have you pay the deductible- as opposed to spending $5k -15kin a filing, demand letter and data analysis.

The key will be if the last driver says 'the car in front of me hit him first, then I hit that car'. Done, proven.

My daughter was involved in an accident with a rental, under my policy. (I got a call on the morning I arrived in Australia for a month vacation... ). I was able to cause the investigation team to ask the other drivers and witnesses about specific observations/questions. "Our people will perform an investigation" became "they will ask X y z" Just FYI.

5. You need to establish control.

I refuse to allow insurnace companies to access my car until AFTER I have obtained estimates. Why? Just to tell them I understand this process. Here is how insurnace is supposed to work:

With no insurnace:
Someone hits you
You go to a body shop, get an estimate- maybe get it repaired. Cost is 2800.
You contact person that hit you, tell them you are "liable" for my loss of $2800
Person sends a check for 2800, or you sue them and win 2800.

With insurance:
Same as above except person that hit you contacts their insurnace and says "I was liable for this accident, please pay him the 2800"

Now, you will say "that's not how insurnce works". True. They have established all sorts or rules, policies and practices around this core liability coverage- SOME are based on state laws, some are based on the polciy language- and some are just made up to make their business easier.

Here's the key thing- YOU do not have to follow any of their rules if your are proceeding under the strait liability- get your car fixed, the other insurnace pays your liability. What YOUR insurnace wants and what the other insurnace wants, doesn't matter. Easy to say, hard to do. Generally though work with your insurnce BUT tell them 'I'm getting this fixed right, the other party was liable'. They can't tell you "you need to do it our way becuase our policy requires XYZ"

Establish control, don't think they are on your side. Don't need to be an ass, just firm.

That's enough for now....