Jessica Alba just made me blueberry pancakes and brought them to bed with her, then she poured maple syrup all over her naked body and I ate them off of her.

Jessica Biel called while that was going on, and now she's on her way over to make me some chicken fried steak, bring it to bed with me & Jessica Alba, then pour the country gravy on her naked body so we can eat it off of her. We have to use plastic forks and knives, but shee-it, I don't give a fuh!

After we grub, we're all gonna hop in my whirlpool bath to rinse off, then they're gonna make out while I roll tape on it with my Handycam.

By the way- I should've wiped the maple syrup off my hands before I answered Jessica Biel's call, you mind buying me a new phone? Cause this one's ruined.

Thanks, Carlos!

Happy April Fool's Day!

JV

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JV

What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know...it's what we know for sure that just ain't so