Ok today I double checked all pins and connectors and wiring and everything looks good.
I pulled out the LCM while absolutely shredding the back of my hand! I think the LHD LCM is mounted the other way around so the slotted mounting hole is at the top, which makes sense as it's difficult to get to. NOT IN THE RHD MODEL! I had to get my hand all the way up there to undo the bolt! I digress
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Upon visual inspection there are no burnt tracks or components or any sign of water damage.
I plugged the LCM back in. Light's still fucked
I have no idea what to do.