I'll be darned, I think you were right wpoll -- I tried jumping it again (and found my alligator clamps for my DMM so I could watch the voltage while starting) and it started up this time. I made extra sure to get them as secure as possible -- it's really hard to get a good connection on the positive terminal on the battery! Anyways, thanks guys for your help, turns out it was a PEBKAC issue....again...

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2003 3.0 5MT Topasblau
Purchased in 2016 and sold in 2024
2012 35d Platingrau