The DME shuts off fuel pretty quick to a missing cylinder.
I'm not going to reread this thread but you seem to be a bit all over the map about what's going on. Did you do a compression test ? Do you have a scan tool working?

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1988 325is (purchased new) sold
2004 X5 3.0 2005 X3 2.5
2008 X5 3.0 (new to me)