Have you considered legal powers of attorney, health care surrogate forms, etc? That would address some of your specific issues mentioned, from a practical sense. In the end, you still won't be satisfied, because you want everyone to view you two as a legally married couple, no different than your parents. That is unlikely to happen. You can choose to be angry and hurt about that, or look to pragmatic approaches. Not trying to make light of your feelings, just trying to mention realistic matters.

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