"it's a hybrid, it's registered, carl spangler grass, it's a cross between kentucky blue grass and california sensamilia, it's the only grass that you can play 36 holes on during the day and then, at night, take it home and get stoned to the bejeezus"

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You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.