That poor dog. Do you take him to a doggie shrink? You've got him really messed up!

If he could talk..."Dammit, my pack leader puts me in this stupid car seat while I'm wearing this wimpy checkerbox crap. Then, when I see other dogs they give me shit becuase of my name so I try to hump em even if they're guy dogs. My pack leader doesn't know it but I piss in his shoes and tell that coyote to come visit once in a while. The coyote is actually a girl but don't tell my pack leader!!! And by the way, Lambeau's squirrel has bigger nuts than I do!"