I understand the premise but do you REALLY want to put some nasty looking hitch cover on your X? They have those propellers for the boating enthusiasts, that would do the trick but YUK!
My X (husband that is) had a bumper guard on his Envoy, it bolted on below the rear bumper and was curved almost like a boomerang shape. Some one rear ended him, he had no damage but the other guy didn't come out looking too good.

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Current:
2016 X6 ///M Black Sapphire Metallic