My friend in Toronto e-mailed to me-

Dear Friends,

About two weeks ago I had my annual Stress Thallium Test done on my heart here in Toronto. When it was over, I packed up the car and headed down to New Hampshire to my place there to check up on some lumbering I am having done.

There wasn't a lot of traffic at the Lewiston/Queenstown Bridge Border Crossing (near Niagara Falls). About five cars in front of me. Then I noticed they were starting to open up everyone's trunk, more guards came out of the building and started going around all the cars, etc., even asking people to get out of their cars. Great. Another long delay.

About 30 minutes later I pull up to the guard and roll down my window. To my surprise he turns his head to the other guard in the other booth and yells, "I GOT HIM!" and then turns to me and says, "Sir, did you have a medical test done today?"

I replied, "Yes, a Stress Thallium Test on my heart about four hours ago".

"Man are you ever hot. You lit up the entire border. We've been searching five cars in front of you looking to see who was setting off the alarms. Pull over just past that little building please."

Another guard signaled me where to park and asked me to get out of the car and to leave my keys in it so they could drive it thru another group of sensors and I was to come with her into this room. Normally the Geiger Counter goes tick, tick, tick. As soon as I entered the room it went into a high pitch shrill.

The woman guard looked at me and said, "WOW! ARE YOU EVER HOT" meaning my readings I am sure. I explained to her that I had just had the Stress Thallium Test four hours earlier and was quite surprised that little amount could be read five cars away, inside my car with the windows up. I told her having crossed the border many times and seeing all the new equipment being installed over the years, it was very comforting knowing that the system works. A few more passes with the Geiger Counter and I was on my way.

I did not have the heart (you never joke around with boarder guards) to ask if I farted would be considered a "Dirty Bomb".