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Get the factory towing package....
It includes the hitch (best fabricated hitch out there for the X5), wiring, 6 pin round receptible, blank plug, and the interface box to literally plug all the electronics together. I pull a 5,000 lb race car and trailer with my 4.4 and it does great. 12 mpg at 75-80. Friend tows the same trailer as I have, with a slightly heavier car, with his 3.9 manual and it does fine too, though he does have to downshift for hills on the interstate.
Here's what I just towed for 800+ miles with speeds ranging from 65 to over 80:
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'04 E53, 4.4 Sport
'97 E39 528i
'86 911 Carrera, track car
'96 BMW R1100R
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