jammer310,

The oil you found might be from somewhere else. power steering hoses, valve cover gasket, oil separator, ...etc are common problems that give you leak on X5. I would suggest you to find a reputable shop that can check transmission fluid level for you first. Then get the fluid changed and see if it fixes your transmission problem.

And you're definitely not like "average mom". Seems that you've done a lot more than just driving the car. My wife will never go under the car in her life.(maybe not even check tire wear)