As to your carrying heavy loads question first, if you have regular steel springs, (as you probably do with the 3.0i) then just take note of the ride height as the truck squats and keep the tire pressures at the higher end of the "normal" pressures range, probably about 40-44psi range.

And for the shaking, sounds like a missfire and you probably lost an ignition coil which is a decently common problem. (is the check engine light on or flashing?) The trans shifting patterns are controlled partially by the engine's output. The engine and trans computers see a torque request by your foot and try to fulfill that, if the engine is not reaching full power the trans will hold the gear longer to help with accelloration.

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2003 4.6is