ummm... homework? man, i need firm directions. things like "season to taste" is swahili to me. 350 degrees would mean exactly 350 degrees on a calibrated thermometer. 5 mins means exactly 5 mins. i can't just take a look, smell, or sense its time with food. the family has been watching ratatouille lots and beginning to think gusteau is right about anybody can cook! i will be their greatest challenge!

the only knife skills i got are in martial arts. ask me to attack or disarm, you got it.. ask me to chop onions and you got some chopping block chips with your smashed onions - adds flavor right?

i think i better get the fire dept to come with me... i did nearly burn the house down 4 times as a kid trying to cook eggs, warm up a cinnamon roll, and 2 other things we couldn't recognize after the smoke cleared from the fire extinguisher... and sadly no, i'm not joking although i know you guys are laughing the 4 incidences are real and my parents love to tell that story to everyone