Dou you mean the thrust arm? That is the one that allows front to back movenent.
In this link #6 is the whole arm, #7 is the bushing that wears and causes the issue. When you tighten the bolt through the bushing side you need to have the X on her wheels, otherwise if you leave it on jackstands the bushings will be tightened in that position and will be twisted when you are driving... causing an extreme case of premature failure as you may be experiencing from the sound of it.
RealOEM.com BMW E53 X5 4.4i Frnt axle support,wishbone/tension strut