While researching one of our new must have X5 accessories, one of our elf nerds at Funf Dreisig AG stumbled across a trail of BMW NA emails that may explain the delayed delivery of the 2010 X5 35Ds.

The emails are a bit cryptic and appear to use coded language. But from what our fairy cryptographers could deduce, it seems that BMW NA regularly monitors the various X5 online forums and became concerned by what they read in posts by members who had 35Ds on order. The $4,500 Eco Credit had obviously attracted a less desirable customer, who probably wasn't going to be contented with just adding bigger wheels and painting everything to match the body color. For example, in the emails execs express their disbelief that these new 35d owners would attempt to discover top secret info like the oil capacity of the 35d engine and their disgust at these new 35d owners unnatural desire to touch the 35d dipstick. The obvious conclusion was that these unrepentant gear heads would eventually attempt to change their own oil

So the top brass used the EPA approvals cover to delay 2010 deliveries and implemented Plan B - code name "BMW C&D". The details are not fully spelled out in the emails, but the heart of BMW C&D appears to be software that monitors 2010 35d owners interactions with their new X5. For example, BMW C&D logs unchaperoned peeking into the engine compartment (i.e. opening the hood when not in the presence of a BMW CA or SA). Merely touching the well concealed 35d dipstick seems to heighten sense of urgency within the BMW C&D system. And attempting to lift the plastic skirts to grope around the 35d engine triggers a BMW Cease & Desist call which uploads the 2010 35d owners interactions logs and shuts down the X5 requiring towing to the nearest dealer.

We hope to reveal more about BMW C&D as soon as our fairy cryptographers sober up. But before they passed out, they mentioned a beta version of BMW C&D that was code named "Meltdown" where X5s that had been neglected by their owners (i.e. owners who did not spend enough quality time with their X5) would simply drain their battery and file an "unfavorable driver" report when towed to the dealer.

Funf Dreisig AG