It seems like your battery voltage is so low that it is causing your electronics to act really wierd, hence the one headlight on and the different language on your message board. Also, voltage is so low that it will not even jump start. You will need to charge the battery with a charging mechanism to see if it will actually take a charge. Jump starting a REALLY dead battery will not work. Probably time for a new battery unless there is something draining it or there is a problem with your alternator. How old is the battery you have now? See if it will take a charge.

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2010 Lexus RX350 still new
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2002 Dodge Ram 2500 4X4 cummins diesel w/198K miles, custom repo truck
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2000 Lexus GS400 w/165K miles