It's not your fault. i did pretty much the same thing..
for the fail safe mode problem, they updated my software to their latest spec, they also hooked it up to germany and had techs there take a look at it, what they did i couldnt tell you. about 160 miles after it was updated it failed, just doing a highway run. then after the techs "fixed it " it failed, 2 more times all around and under 200 miles. on the 5th fail i was having a talk with bmw about replacing the car, while i waited to hear from them it failed again (that was nail in the coffin) they had no idea what was wrong, they still do not know.
