Two different issues, really.

The vehicle software is updated only due to recalls or service issues, and is serial-number specific. There aren't new features as much as there are fixes for problems. If you didn't get a recall notice, it is unlikely that there is anything to update. You can have your dealer check your key, and they will be able to tell you if there are any campaigns or outstanding issues that need attention, and whether these are eligible to be done before or after failure. Checking the key doesn't cost anything. Costs for any specific campaign depend on the campaign.

Programming the key items is different. It depends on how much you want changed, what the policies are of your dealer, and your relationship with them. Sometimes small changes don't cost much if anything, if done at the same time as other service work. Other issues cost based on the hourly rate or a flat rate charge. Ask your local dealer.

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2007 X3 3.0si, 6 MT, Premium, White

Retired:
2008 535i, 6 MT, M Sport, Premium, Space Grey
2003 X5 3.0 Steptronic, Premium, Titanium Silver
2002 325xi 5 MT, Steel Grey
2004 Z4 3.0 Premium, Sport, SMG, Maldives Blue