This was such an entertaining read!!! I am the exact same way with both my cars. I go from 0 to pissed off in less than a second with that "its just a car". I work my ass off to pay for these cars, blood sweat and tears go into maintaining and detailing them. I take pride in owning them and having them look as good as they can. They are my passion, hobby, and therapy. So to say they are just a car is like telling a woman its just a diamond, who cares that you lost it. Its just your favorite dress, who cares about the red wine stain. Its just your favorite shoes, so the dog chewed them. etc.
I have 3 different vacuums in the garage and clean the inside of the wife's X 2 to 3 times a week. It only takes less than five minutes as long as I am keeping up with it. If I let it go more than two weeks, her entire wardrobe ends up it.
I am even more picky with the Merc, as others stated, my wife understands how much I care for that car that she very rarely drives it. Too much stress.

** As far as the cell phone goes, force her to use bluetooth (Jabra Cruiser 2) or do what I did; put the phone in the trunk to break me of that horribly dangerous habit. The car can get dirty but an accident is too risky!!!!!!***

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'03 Black BMW E53 3.0i 110,000+ miles
'03 Black Mercedes-Benz W211 125,000+ miles
'13 White Mercedes-Benz W2o4 New