If ur dipstick doesn't touch oil you're burning it at a very fast rate. I'm assuming this was one occurrence so correct me if I'm wrong.

In my experience when oil leaks through the head gasket or the valve cover it does so at a much slower pace than what you are describing.

What I'm hearing is oil getting sucked into the combustion chamber rapidly. Some is being burned and some is getting spit out.

I could be wrong though..