"Yes you defininetly need the the relay.. Its a light green one has 5 pins. Called k93 unloader relay terminal 15"

Is that what you are referring to?

If so this pic might help you.

Is this how the fuses area in the back of your X5 look.
Mine has these relays. I bought the rear seat heat relay off a guy parting out his X.
just to confirm you stated you have the wires under the rear seat. Okay you have half the wires right. Meaning to completeley remove you rear seat do you have disconnect any connectors. If no coonectors then that mean your rear seat doesnt have any heating elements. So thats another reason why the switches wouldnt work. Which means now you have to go out and do 1 of these.

1. buy heated seat elements Preferably a 3 wire design
2 buy a rear seat from a parted out x with the elements already installed. mainly 4.6 and 4.8 have them. Not my poor 3.0

3. Buy just the rear leather cover from a parted out X as i think the elements are sewed in.

again i started this mod because i had some leftover seat elements from my last vehicle that i never installed.

Let me know if you need the actual part number of that relay. Im sure real oem has it.

OMG i am so glad i took this pic today. My fuses 80 and 81 have the wrong amps. There supposed to be 20 not 25. My x5 is going turn into a phoneix and burn up. Going to autozone now.

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E53 06 3.0i

wishlist
Comfort Seats
speckdock 2.5

Mods
Air suspension - wip
skid plate replica - in box
OEM sunroof deflector
OEM bluetooth streaming
navi,dsp,tv retrofit - wip
Low prof roof racks
2 directtv satelite tuners
Grom audio usb2
quarter and back window sunshades
2 10"subs- boxes opposite sides/Alp MRP-M850
rear heated seats retrofit
rear footwell lights retrofit
remote window roll up