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Helluva thread...
My guess is one of the genius valet idiots squeezed/cut a corner too tightly and creamed the side with an immovable object vs clipping another car.
Regardless of the tort stuff/posted no liability crap, it is really fookin disingenuous and plain punque-like to pull your car out, damaged side hidden, and hope you drive off...once 'off' and gone, it's your problem, and they fookin know it, imo.
I would still run it by a lawyer that knows his torts better than most, to see if you have any recourse.
Expensive freakin steak is the understatement.
Good Luck,
mD
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