I don't know if there is a software update for your X but the dealer will know. I would check that first.

1--Haven't owned a 3.0, that could be the way they all are, if not, a trans fluid change might help or since you have other symptoms the tranny may need some work.

2--If you are saying it won't change to second gear if you hold the pedal to the metal than the transmission assembly has a problem. If, per chance, you are saying it doesn't shift until redline--thats a normal good thing.

3- Shouldn't happen but be sure it is the transmission as some issues seem like the transmission and are not.

Time to go to widely recommended Indy shop for BMWs and get it diagnosed or to a well regarded transmission shop for same.

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X5 4.6 2002 Black Sap, Black interior. 2013 X5M Melbourne Red, Bamboo interior
Dallas