OK so I see the snap in 18 pin plug and only see one RF connector there, unless that one that looks like a bowden cable is in fact a screw down RF connector in which case you have two.

It is your choice whether you use that RF cable for the GSM antenna coupler in the snap-in cradle, or if you use it for the BT antenna.

If the former, you will need a second RF cable for the BT. Short ones are available for trunk mounted BT antenna, and long ones if you want to fit the BT antenna up front for a better signal strength.

The cream coloured FAKRA looks like the black and violet FAKRA, except it is cream coloured and has a different mechanical keying.

I will try to backup a couple steps to help simplify things for you...

First, these are the only parts you need to get Bluetooth working with your iPhone 3GS. It does not answer your question about a charging cradle, but that is totally optional. This gets you fully functional Bluetooth.
84.10-9 195 455 Bluetooth Assist TCU module (Or another BT-enabled TCU from the prior list)
84.50-6 928 461 Bluetooth antenna
61.12-0 137 616 Bluetooth antenna cable

If you want to get the charging cradle also, you will need to add the support base, the snap-in cradle, and the 3GS snap-in adapter you reference in the original eBay post. I am not sure which base & snap-in cradle parts are correct for the X5 with a TCU-- more digging to come there. However, all of this is optional and you can add it at any time in the future.

I believe that this is the eject box you need in your center console that works with the TCU and can accept the snap-in adpater for your iPhone 3GS. Definitely confirm with a BMW dealer, though.

84.10-9 168 940 Eject box, mobile telephone

Thanks guys I will start shopping around.

Hey Guys i have a 2001 M5 bz97995 and at one point i put the ULF voice recongnition module in my 2001 540 vin GC96452. what do i need in my M5 to get the BT set up? accorning to real OEM Bmw i have modlule 84116916769, I have not verified this as yet. Where is it located.

Thanx in advance for the help

If you have a ULF or TCU t's in the trunk above the left wheel, tucked right down the back between the inner and outer wing. RealOEM cannot tell you what options your car is fitted with from the VIN.