This sounds a lot more like the CDV, or clutch delay valve. Not sure if you have had experience with this component before, but essentially it screws up your sense of timing between when you expect the clutch to engage, and when it actually does engage. It restricts the fluid flow back to the master cylinder on clutch release, to a certain flow rate. It has no restriction on clutch depression, as it is a one-way restrictor. The dealer is used to how it drives. If it is a new vehicle to you, and particularly on the 1-2 shift, you may be surprised at how it is sometimes a clunky shift, and other times it is fine. If you let the clutch out at the same rate as the restrictor flows fluid, then it is fine, it is when you go faster that it comes into play. It was intended to reduce driveline shocks, but I am of the opinion that the driver should be in full control, not just partial control.
Go to
www.zeckhausenracing.com, select BMW and X3, and read about the CDV there. Read the link that explains the theory of the CDV as well. Dave Z will ship you a modified CDV that is very likely to solve your problem. Alternatively, you can just remove it, but that is apparent to the dealer. I have done the CDV mod on several BMW vehicles, with good success.
If you are comfortable working on your own vehicle, it is a straightforward 15 minute job. If you are not comfortable doing it yourself, take it to an independent mechanic with the part from Zeckhausen, and they will be able to do it very easily (print out the instructions from Zeckhausen so they know what you want done).