The cards Hallmark doesn't print
 

Looking back over the years
That we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

I've always wanted to have
Someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
(Available only in Los Angeles)

When we were together,
You always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

I'm so miserable without you
It's almost like you're here.

Priceless!

Good stuff... very funny! :)

"Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
(Available only in Los Angeles)"

That was a good one.:)

Nice!!!!