Rough Day, Needed to write my feelings :)
 

So it seems Chuck can't take the time off for my surgury because i'm not considered a legitimate "person " In the eyes of the goverment (aka our marriage isn't allowed except in Mass) I never thought of it until now, Its kinda scary that he can't make funeral arrangements, can't be on my health plan, follow me in the ER because hes not family and should I need a heart or some life-threatning thing, he couldn't make the call which peeves me more! and we keep seperate accounts for the most part because he can't use mine and I can't use his, I just cried when he told me that, its just really hurtful I feel like some second class citizen, which is funny because I pay the same taxes, so I think i'm considering moving to Canada which while a huge move is something I just might need to really feel equal, I don't care about the marriage part, I just want the person I love, look too and feel is such a huge part of me to be able to make decisions that effect my life either pro-longing or ending it, For once it doesn't matter what I drive or what a nice condo we own its who we love that matters the most, and since this is my 2nd family and my original one is asleep haha i'll vent here :)I just feel like i'm not an equal citizen grrrr

Let it out man. I really don't have any other advice but it helps to let it out. Sorry about your rough day.

Have you considered legal powers of attorney, health care surrogate forms, etc? That would address some of your specific issues mentioned, from a practical sense. In the end, you still won't be satisfied, because you want everyone to view you two as a legally married couple, no different than your parents. That is unlikely to happen. You can choose to be angry and hurt about that, or look to pragmatic approaches. Not trying to make light of your feelings, just trying to mention realistic matters.

well according to my lawyor the power of attorneys don't necessarily cover me in medical situations or extreme situations

Ask about "Health care surrorgate". I don't know about California law, but this is a separate concept legally in several states. It is essentially power of attorney specifically for those "extreme medical situations".

Oddly enough, I think many government agencies on the local level are recognizing domestic partnerships. It sounds like the problem is with the company Chuck works for rather than any government mandate. There are private companies that are also recognizing same sex marriages. It's up to them whether they want to offer benefits for domestic partners.

I agree with statdoc. It is what it is and you need to try to find solutions to prepare for the types of scenarios you mentioned. I'm not trying to criticize. I'm just being realistic.

Good luck!

He works for a govt contractor,they don't recognize it which was weird because I thought they did too but apparently not after reading it

Man it sux, better out than in I say. But man the law is unfair, and your right when you say you pay the same tax's you should be treated equally. Its supposed to be a free country...i've yet to find whats free still... I really want to move you europe south of france maybe. Its really starting to suck here.

Didn't you just get Lipo? How did it go? How are you feeling?

That is a shitty situation. When all the same sex marriage issues came up and got shot down the part I never understood is why Congress didn't inact some legislation that gave same sex couples the same 'rights' as a standard married couple. To me it is total BS.