Whatever you do: Don't get old
 

the older you get . . . sometimes these things don't seem so funny!!



Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night
the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come
up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the
stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table
having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I
sure hope I never get that forgetful," as she knocked on her wooden
table for good measure. " She then yells, "I'll come up and help both
of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
_______________________________________________

"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the
second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So
am I. Let's have a coke."
______________! _____________________________

WHAT A CHOICE

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and
say, "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.
Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a
moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
____________________________________________

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other
and said, "Now don't get mad at me . I know we've been friends for a
long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and
thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
_____________________________________________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not
just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
! ______________________________________________

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering
wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher say, "Stay calm, Maam, an officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.

"Disregard.", He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

:rofl: :bustingup

Funny stuff Barry!

The first one with the three old ladies reminds me of my grandmother and two of her sisters. God they were funny. Aunt Marie just passed away, grandma is 94 and although physically healthy, her mind is gone. It's sad. But anyway, I'm smiling as I type this remembering them together. Priceless. Enjoy your elders while you can.

I am with Laura on this one, we totally should enjoy them while we can...

I have a total soft spot for the elderly... even the really grumpy ones... :) breaks my heart to see some of them "abandoned" by their family, because they take some work.

My dad's uncle Jesse lived with us for a year, before he fell very ill, and OH MAN the memories I have of him... good times.

Whats crazy, is that I already have some of these moments... I should be a real kick in the pants when I get older!

I think I must be getting old.........only one of them was actually really funny. The rest were like "eh". That's okay, I drive ridiculously slow 90% of the time anyways.

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I got an e-mail tonight with more "getting old" funnies.... thought I would share :)

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

OLD IS WHEN:

1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't
have to go along.

3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.

4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

Add this to your knowledge base.

Although it was written for all those born before 1945, I am sure all
Of you will enjoy it.

We are the survivors!!!!!!!!! Consider the changes we have witnessed:

We were born before television, before penicillin, before polio
shots, frozen foods, xerox, plastics, contact lenses, frisbees and the pill.

We were born before radar, credit cards, split atoms, laser beams
and ballpoint pens, before pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers and
before man walked on the moon.

We got married first and then had children. How quaint can we be?

In our time, closets were for clothes, not for "coming out of".
Bunnies were small rabbits and rabbits were not Volkswagons. Designer
jeans were scheming girls name Jean or Jeanne, and having a meaningful
relationship meant getting along well with our cousins.

We were born before house-husbands, gay rights and computer
marriages. We were born before day-care centers and nursing homes. We
never heard of FM Radio, Tape Decks, Electric typewriters, artificial
hearts, word processors, yogurt and guys wearing earrings. For us
time-sharing meant togetherness- not computers or condominiums; a
"CHIP" meant a piece of wood, hardware meant hardware and software wasn't a word.

In 1948, "Made in Japan" meant a piece of junk, and the term
"Making out" referred to how you did on your exam; pizzas, Mcdonald's
and Instant coffee were unheard of.

In our day, cigarette smoking was fashionable, GRASS was mowed,
COKE was a drink, and POT was something you cooked in. Rock music was a grandma's lullaby and AIDS were helpers in the principal's office.

We were certainly not before the difference between the sexes
was discovered, but we were surely before the sex changes; we made do
with what we had and we were the last generation that was so dumb as to
think you needed a husband to have a baby.

NO wonder we are so confused and there is such a generation gap today.
BUT WE SURVIVED!!!!!!!!

Better make this bad boy a sticky! This may not happen again in our lifetime. :rofl: :thumbup:

I have agreed with you many times before....

and your title should be "Second Official Pot Stirrer" ;)

It's all in fun...BTW - Who is the first?

Agreed :)

HOLY HELL! I just did it again...

And WagnerX5 has declared himself the Official Pot Stirrer

He's the one that gets the most attention but believe me there are others who stir quietly, slowly, un-noticed, and with determination. hehehehe.

I like to consider myself more of a "whisker" :D ;)