New U.K. State of Alert
 

Subject: Alert


The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have
raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security
levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Little Bit Cross."
Londoners have not been "A Little Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance."
The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during
the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." (The only two higher levels in France are
"Surrender" and "Collaborate.") This rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased its alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
higher levels: "Invade Poland" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.