A funny for a happy Friday
 

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Why, thank you very much, he said, and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says, "Let's take a short cut and go down this alley.. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens :p:

:rofl:

:rofl: ... :thumbup:

And another
 

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all
perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St.
Peter asks the first girl, "Tami, have you ever had any contact with a
male naughty organ?"' She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once
touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." He said "okay dip
the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gates."
He asked the next girl the same question and she said "well I once
fondled and stroked one". He said "okay dip your whole hand in the holy
water and pass through the gates." All of a sudden, there was a lot of
commotion in the line of girls. One pushed her way to the front of the
line. When she got there, he asked, "Mariah, what seems to be the rush?"
She said "if I'm going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to do
it before Natalie sticks her ass in it!"

:rofl::rofl::rofl: That's great!

:rofl: