The Friday Files!

[PersonaNonGrata]

Hello everyone. I'm back for another Friday and I'm guessing it's another week we're all glad to have behind us. Bring on the weekend!

There was quiet a discussion in The Lounge about conduct on an airplane. The thread went beyond that and into some philosophical debate but the airline angle inspired me and combined with the fact that there just happened to be a few airline related news items this week that I found amusing, I'm talking about airline/flying experiences. I'll get to those in a minute but for anyone who has flown and had an unpleasant experience while on board the airplane, we can all relate to "issues" in the sky. :eek:

First off, there was a catfight mid-air involving "American Idol" runner-up Clay Aiken. He got into it with a woman who was upset with him because his foot was on her armrest. Both were talked to be the FBI upon landing. It sounds exaggerated and melodramatic but I think we can all think of times when you wanted to turn around and sock the person behind you for practically stabbing you in the back through the seatback or kicking your seat. I've had people grab the seatback, my headrest, to pull themselves up and while doing so got a chunk of my head and then try to launch me out of my seat. Come on, we've all been there. If you could have a free punch you'd probably take it. Admit it.

Secondly, a woman and her child were booted from a plane allegedly because a flight attendant got mad at the kid for talking. Okay, I've been on plenty of planes with crying and screaming kids. I always carry earplugs and my Bose NC headphones just in case but it is very annoying. I am sympathetic to the parents because that could be me one day and as long as the parents are trying to placate the child, I can live with it. It happens, I deal. I do not however, like it when the parent(s) don't do anything and just let the kid scream. I've even seen one mother smiling and cooing at her old-enough-to-listen kid asking him if he could be quiet. She was acting as if it were her cute little boy just being precocious. It wasn't cute.

Given those situations and the one discussed in The Lounge, it made me think of the whole undertaking of flying. I know many of you fly weekly for business and while I don't fly that much I do it enough to have lots of experiences. Flying is stressful enough nowadays with the TSA and the ever changing rules, airlines cutting corners, and just general travel anxiety but add other stressors and your flight could have you wishing you drove. There's the fight for the armrest. Who claims it first? You or your seat neighbor? How about people who load up the overhead bin above your seat but they sit three rows away? Don't these people know how to put a suitcase in properly? (I'd hate to see them pack an X5 for a road trip. "Cooler! Hat! Full!" ) Have you heard someone else's music cranking through their earbuds? Yeah, that's why I carry earplugs and Bose, remember? Have you ever sat next to someone who never had to urinate? On a flight to Hong Kong from Los Angeles, I saw inboard of a guy who did not get up once to go to the lavatory and slept the entire way. I literally climbed over him in my socks to go take a leak! Crazy! Even more obnoxious was the woman my wife and I sat next to who was coughing, sneezing, sniffling, and generally a contagious sick mess. We had heard her checking in and heard her asking to be in the exit row. If you are that sick why wouldn't you ask to be somewhere away from as many people as possible? (It was not a full flight either.) Maybe she'd get someone sick. Oh maybe, my wife? Yes, my wife was sick in Maui because that b!tch didn't take half a second to think of others. : As I stated, I'm sure you've all got tons of unbelievable stories from your travels.

The discussion in The Lounge was about a male passenger watching porn on his laptop while a female sitting next to him was subjected it to. I won't rehash the discussion but it, along with the scenarios above, makes one think about the unwritten code of conduct while flying. (I won't go into other forms of transport like Japanese subway trains where anything goes. ) Very quickly, my take on the porn viewing during flight is that it is wrong and shouldn't happen. We'd like to think that people would have the common sense to know that they shouldn't but given that common sense is not all that common, the airline crew should be allowed to stop it. What are the standards? Well, I think that it depends on the complainant. Some people are going to be overly sensitive and not like images of a scary movie or flashes of bikini-clad girls. (This is also assuming the viewer is using headphones and not invading other's earspace with the audio.) Some people might not mind that but would object to hardcore porn. To me, I think the common sense standard and a variant of the US Supreme Court Justice Anton Scalia's definition of obscenity being something that can't be defined but "you know it when you see it". To the person who objects because Kenny was just killed on an episode of "Southpark" on B-Line's laptop, I say "relax and STFU". To the guy playing "Truck Stop Whores" I'd say "you're a sad and desperate puppy to watch porn on the plane". We don't need more laws nor more rules. We simply need more common courtesy.

The final airline story that developed this week was the TB guy is being sued by 9 people who were on the same flight. Only one of them has tested positive for TB. This should be very interesting and especially complicated since it has already reached high levels of government. Do you think I can sue the dude who almost made me piss my pants somewhere above the Pacific Ocean? First step to common courtesy: Don't give anyone your highly contagious and rare form of tuberculosis.

I'll end this and start your weekend with some humor. I would like to introduce to you "The Flight of the Conchords. They are a very funny duo from New Zealand who have been around the comedy scene for a while but now have a show on HBO. They are hilarious! I admit that the humor is not for everyone. It can be a bit dry and a bit strange but it is generally pretty clean. I'll share a few of my favorite bits by them. Enjoy!

"Business Time"

How to serenage a girl

"Issues"

Have a great weekend!

[motordavid]

PNG/K...
Good read & glad to see FFReview is back!

Now I understand what you were doing at
3:00 AM PDT!
Good weekend to you and all the Gang!
BR,mD

Happy Friday the 13th, too...

[X5Flyboy]

(Un?)Fortunately, I've seen what you related to, but never had to suffer through. My complaint was last year with 3 1st class flights from SLC to CHS, CHS to SLC, & SLC to CHS. Same flight you say? First flight(757), the seating was very comfortable, like your LaZBoy. The second(767) was snug, not comfortable. The third was so tight(767-400), I spent over half the flight wandering around, should have bought 2 coach seats. Admittably, my being a big person, my dilemma is different from most.

Personally, when I flew in the Navy, I always liked the idea I could leave the aircraft at anytime. I love driving, so I'd much rather spend the time than be packed into a cattlecar. I also love flying, but my definition of flying is completely different from what the airlines call flying.

[Wagner]

[ncx]

"We simply need more common courtesy."

Tru dat.

Great FF and Happy Friday, all.

tok
(the other k)

[UCrewX5]

Thanks for the great read, Kev. a great weekend to all

[noncom23]

Well said. Have a nice weekend, everyone!

[B-Line]

Awesome read Kev..

It reminds me of an episode of South Park when Mr. garrison is so sick and tired of flying, he invents his own travel machine..
-- The funny thing is, if I were watching this episode on a plane, in sight for others, I'm sure it would be considered offensive.. The whacky weave we web.

Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison, tired of the inefficient and frustrating airline check-ins, decides to invent his own vehicle. Inspired by watching singer Enrique Iglesias's sexualized singing on TV and by gyroscopes, he invents the gyroscope-powered monowheel "IT" (supposedly a parody of the Segway, which was code-named "IT", although this episode aired before the unveiling of the Segway Scooter). "IT" can go up to two hundred miles per hour, gets three hundred miles to the gallon, and is an all-around better mode of travel. The only problem is that it is controlled by an uncomfortable method; using four "flexi-grip handles" that somewhat resemble erect penises; two used by the hands, one in the mouth, and a fourth handle which is inserted into the anus. Despite this unorthodox control mechanism (which is uncomfortable to everyone except Mr. Garrison and elderly women), it is still considered better than the airlines and Mr. Garrison is a smashing success. Even aviation enthusiast John Travolta decides that "IT" "beats dealing with the airline companies."

[JV]

I always ask for the exit row But if there's a coughing, wheezing, aching, stuffy headed lady on a plane, I'm hitting her with a poisoned dart from my blowgun well before takeoff.

Have a great weekend, everybudday

[Kewl X5]

Kev, you hit it on the spot. Especially having recently flown on an airplane, it is just too bad that flying is not as fun as it used to be. Anyhow, always enjoy reading your FF as always. You forgot to mention it is FRIDAY the 13th!!!