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#1
08-03-2007, 03:39 AM
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A Good Husband
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him. all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door." Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh, THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!" Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two Aspirins $.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time ... "Priceless" 
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#3
08-03-2007, 07:28 AM
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__________________
"To become a member of a crew you've got to be 100% Italian so they can trace all your relatives back to the old country. See, it's the highest honor they can give you. It means you belong to a family and crew. It means that nobody can f@ck around with you. It also means you could f@ck around with anybody just as long as they aren't also a member. It's like a license to steal. It's a license to do anything"
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#4
08-03-2007, 07:32 AM
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__________________
An unwavering defender of those I see worth protecting. "promote the general welfare, not provide the general welfare" We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
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#5
08-03-2007, 07:58 AM
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funny funny
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#7
08-03-2007, 12:41 PM
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Keepin em in check, love it!
__________________
The Present: 2014 Audi Q5 TDI Prestige The Past: 2013 Lexus GS350 2013 VW Golf TDI 2007 BMW X5 4.8i LOADED & Loved 2009 VW Jetta 2008 VW Touareg VR6 2005 BMW X5 3.0i 2005 BMW Z4 3.0i 2004 BMW X5 3.0i 2003 BMW 325i 2000 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer 4x4
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