10 excuses for missing work

[Quicksilver]

No I'm Not saying their the best excuses or the top 10 but "Tiger urine and other reasons to miss work" seem to be a growing trend.

Did you hear the one about the woman who couldn't go to work because her chickens' feet were frozen to the driveway? It's not a joke -- it's an actual excuse given to a boss.

Gone are the days when an employee called in sick and coughed a little to make the story believable. Today, workers give a variety of excuses when they stay home from the office. And they're doing it a lot.

Almost one-third of employees admitted to calling in sick to work last year even though they weren't ill, according to CareerBuilder.com's annual survey. Fortunately for them, 75 percent of employers believe their employees are sick when they say they are.

But some bosses aren't falling for it.


1. At her sister's wedding, an employee chipped her tooth on a Mint Julep, bent over to spit it out, hit her head on a keg and was knocked unconscious.

2. While at a circus, a tiger urinated on the employee's ear, causing an ear infection.

3. An employee's dog wasn't feeling well, so the employee tasted the dog's food and then got sick.

4. "Someone put LSD in my salad."

5. An employee's roommate locked all his clothes in a shed for spite.

6. "Stuck on an island -- canoe floated away."

7. An employee was upset because his favorite American Idol contestant was voted off.

8. "I didn't think I had to come in if I had time in my vacation bank. I thought I could take it whenever I wanted."

9. An employee said he wasn't feeling well and wanted to rest up for the company's holiday party that night.

10. A groundhog bit the employee's car tire, causing it to go flat.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/workl...ick/index.html

[Wagner]

I never believe an employee is sick. Personally I don't care if they want to take off, they know what their vacation numbers are..if they want to eat into them, that is their call

[AzX5]

This didn't make the list?

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."

[Krimson X]

Too funny, AzX5!

[SANguru]

LOL... nice...

Originally Posted by AzX5

This didn't make the list?

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."

[Eric5273]

True story: I once had an employee call in to say she said she couldn't come to work because she was doing her Christmas shopping. She called in about 2 hours after she was supposed to be at work. This was after being on the job for only 2 weeks. No joke!

I told my secretary to call her back and tell her to enjoy her newly scheduled extended vacation.

[Eric5273]

Originally Posted by Wagner

I never believe an employee is sick. Personally I don't care if they want to take off, they know what their vacation numbers are..if they want to eat into them, that is their call

I do the same thing. Sick days and vacation days are part of the same total.

[MrLabGuy]

More actual excuses given to employers.

"I'm too drunk to drive to work."

"I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet."

"I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work." (Employee was not in the medical profession.)

"I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened."

"My boyfriend's snake got loose and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home."

"I'm too fat to get into my work pants."

"God didn't wake me." (Employee didn't believe in alarm clocks and thought a higher power would wake her when she was ready.)

"I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor."

"The ghosts in my house kept me up all night."

"I forgot I was getting married today."

"My cow bit me."

"My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can't get it out."

"I was watching a guy fixing a septic pump, fell in the hole and hurt myself."

"I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back."

"My house lock jammed, and I'm locked in."

[MrLabGuy]

I doubt these are real but some of them are quite funny.

• If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
• When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
• I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
• My stigmata's acting up.
• I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
• I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...
• I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.
• Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
• Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
• I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
• The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
• The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
• I prefer to remain an enigma.
• My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
• I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
• I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
• I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
• My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at home with our sick son.
• I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
• I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You want I should come in?
• I can't come in because the deadline is Monday and so far I only have seven different fun things to do with a barrel of snot.

[Quicksilver]

OMG those are great........