Battery
 

Good morning. Ok guys this 2001 X5 BMW is about to retire in the nearest junk yard before Ill go crazy.

I am having numerous problems such as a/c not blowing cold air, a/c max button not working, consol lock/ unlock button not working, passenger and rear doors do not lock/unlock however I can hear the actuators clicking, inside lights remain on upon locking the car unless I unlock it then lock it again, fob went dead meaning it won't lock/unlock door/ trunk, front seat warmers not coming on, and probably a few other random issues like:
1) hazard flasher light come on
2) no message/chime when opening the door and leaving keys in the ignition 3) and probably more weird crap that I can't think of now

Last night I made sure everything was off when I locked the car, this morning I cranked the car and she cranked. Turn Ed her off, tried cranking her again five minutes later and guess what! She didn't crank, battery drained. What could be randomly causing the battery to drain within five minutes?

1) All fuses check good in both compartments.
2) Replaced the aux fan and still won't come on
3) I just tried bypassing the low pressure switch and nothing happened
4) I tried re programming the FOB but it didn't work
5) I tried a hard reset by removing both battery cables which the key in position 2/3 but nothing changed

Battery tests ok but it is over 5 years old but keep in mind it doesn't always get drained this quickly.

Other issues that may or may not be related:
1) self level susp message is on although the car is leveled in the back

Any help/suggestion would be greatly appreciated because I

Let me know which junk yard the X will be in so that I can pick through it carcass.

^lol.

Anyway OP, start with checking your alternator.

Low voltage causes a lot of problems with these trucks.

You will get the self level error if one the sensors or something else is not working. If your air bags are not leaking the level will not change. It's just that if you do load up the back or do get a leak the system will not compensate and you will be un-level.

Alternator/voltage regulator failures seem to cause all kinds of electrical gremlins, and of course won't charge the battery. I just went through this, as have several others here, so that's where I would start.

I checked alt. witht the car running it stays around 14 volts so it should be ok. No?

Try this. Check the voltage with engine running and turn on all accessories heater, wipers, headlights, ect. and put her in drive and hold the brake. Have someone check the voltage again. If you are on your own just apply the parking brake and check the voltage yourself. That's how I was able to figure out that my alt was bad. I would get a normal reading when in park but when in drive with accessories on the voltage would dip drastically.

Hope this helps.

Bmwx5chi, I checked here are the results

Car on and in drive with high beam. Rear seat warmers, defrost, high fan and the reading is 12.30-12.58 volts. What should the reading have been?

That seems real low. If you have 3L, you can take the alternator in to many parts shops for testing. If you are doing that, I'd probably take the battery too and have them test both.

+1, usually a bad sign if you see voltages under 13.0...