Intense self wash randomly activating
 

2002 E53 3.0
This started happening last year in the hot months and again this year as summer cranked up. It's just like I've hit the self wash button on the stalk and the sprayers and wipers go for 7 swipes. Sometimes the wipers will stop and start at random points like the circuit has been interrupted while this is happening, fully stopping, though, when 7 swipes have been completed.
This only happens on the front wipers and washers.
So far I have

Replaced the wiper relay
Replaced the front wiper wash motor
Replaced the wiper switch/stalk

Has anyone dealt with this? The only thing I can surmise is a wire shorting in the steering column harness (nightmare fuel) or the general module behind the glovebox.

Thanks so much!

I could be wrong but I kinda remember that the wiper smarts are built into the rear wiper motor ?? Maybe have a look at a wiring diagram.

True for the rear wiper (intermittent functions etc.) but the front wiper functions seem to be controlled by the General Module.

Rain sensor moving out of place due to heat? (Glass side of rear view mirror)

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Welcome to the site. The two guesses are good. Do you have a bidirectional scanner? A bidirectional scanner may help point to the issue. Mine had light, lock, and a parasitic drain at the same time. The issues were traced to the GMIII module. An eBay used module was used as a replacement. All the issues disappeared after cloning.

I had to look up a bi-directional scan tool, but now it's top on my christmas list-thanks!!
I do have INPA, but was unable to ascertain anything. The intermittency of it makes for some difficult testing. I think I'm going to roll the dice on a GMIII. In the svc manual all roads point to it for wiper/washer control.

Did you take yours to a shop to program?

Thanks all!