hey guys i just bought an 03 x5 about 4 months ago its got 90000 miles on it
about 4 days ago i noticed only in the morning even after warning it up when i shift into reverse or drive it takes like 5-10 seconds for it to ingage into gear
the enigine just revs up but once it does ingage
it shifts great and runs great for the rest of the day
also i noticed that it doesnt do this in stick shift mode
i called the used car dealer that i bought it from and got dicko from him saying my 3 months are up blah blah blah
i tried to check if it was low on trany fluid but theres no dipstick
any body have any ideas or had this experience please help

did you change the solenoid and did it help? any updates form anyone?

I have an 04 3.0 and it has the same proplem. Did anyone find the problem??
I did notice that if you shift it in sport mode it does fine.

Try changing the filter. Mine was behaving the same as the OP's condition (usually during cold evenings and left sitting over night). My mechanic found that the gasket on the filter has harden and left the filter sitting on the pan when he had it apart. The filter on the 3.0i is only held in place with the o-ring gasket (terrible design, IMHO). Had my filter and fluids replaced and it has been running great for about 10k miles now. No more slipping in the mornings anymore.

Contrary to the "lifetime fluid" nonsense, and in keeping with older BMW standard maintenance on automatics, an ATF flush + new filter every 60K could extend the average life of the newer transmissions.

Just bought an '02 3.0i, I don't seem to have a delay in shifting but from a stop it just seems that the throttle lags before revving up then takes off abruptly. The car has 188k miles and from all the records I have nothing has ever been done to the transmission, I'd like to change the fluid but I'm reluctant with that many miles, I'm afraid it will do more harm than good.

Mike Miller from Roundel would agree with you. Auto trans with extended mileage and no prior fluid service should be left alone - wait until it croaks. The 60K service is suggested for vehicles with mileage under 60K (naturally). My 3.0i has 95K with one ATF flush (and fresh spark plugs) @ 60K. She still hums along like a champ (knock-on-clearcoat!).

From Miller's BMW Maintenance Guide:

"
Many dealerships are now recommending gearbox and differential oil changes be done at customer expense every 60,000 miles. Every independent BMW technician I know recommends a 30,000-60,000-mile interval, and many recommend Red Line synthetic oils, but not for automatics with “lifetime fill” – you need the factory proprietary ATF for “lifetime fill” automatics.

It is risky to drain a previously un-maintained automatic transmission with high mileage, even though if it were my car I would probably chance it. Still, I have seen it happen too many times, where a well-meaning owner or technician performs an ATF and filter service on a neglected but well-shifting automatic, and then all of the sudden it starts slipping. I can’t explain it, but my feeling is the fresh ATF flushes a bit of sludge from a place where it was doing no harm to a place where it does do harm. Overfilling, underfilling, and cleanliness are also issues in ATF and filter servicing, but these should not be problematic for a professional BMW technician, dealer or independent.

My inclination is to tell people to change “lifetime” ATF and filter every 60,000 miles. However I have seen BMW automatic transmissions that were maintained break anyway. In that event, say it happens at 90,000 miles, you would like to have the money you spent on the ATF and filter change to put toward your new automatic transmission. And if I told you to spend it on maintenance you’re probably not going to be very happy with me.

On the other hand, I have seen maintained automatics last 200,000 miles. I have also seen un-maintained automatics last 200,000 miles, although both are very rare. There's just no predicting with these transmissions. When you choose to buy an automatic transmission, you also buy into the vagaries of the darn things, which is one reason technicians hate them. Whether to maintain a modern BMW automatic is up to you."

My 2004 x5 3.0's trans went at 80K. The trans oil was black, even though it said not to change until 100K. $3,000 later, I learned a lesson: Change trans oil at 60K, or at least check it for color.

I have the same issue
 

Has anyone found a cure for this same issue? I have a 2002 X5 with 170,000 miles and once in a while the car will not go forward after backing up from the garage. I have not ever tested the steptronic approach. My situation is we turn the ignition off and wait for a minutes, restart the car and it may work sometimes or it may require two to three restart/turn off procedure before it will work.

I have had the solenoids in the transmission changed along with the trans fluid and reprogrammed the software to make sure it wasn't faulty along with updates but it was up to date. It has gotten better, but not completely gone. It will only do it when its a cold start after sitting all night. I'm thinking about changing the diff fluid and the transfer case fluid too. The trans works fine which tells me its not completely broken. I don't have to turn it off or use the steptronic. Once I back out of my garage and put the X5 in Drive I get some hesitation to move forward and thats all. I'm now thinking that maybe it could be the transfer cases not getting the power out quickly enough?