Need some advice from you X5 Transmission gurus!
 

Ive been doing a lot of reading on these clunks, jerks, etc...but was never to figure out solutions or if this is normal, etc so figured maybe I can get a few answers from people who are encountering or did!?! Or if this is normal on these X's.

2004 X5 4.4i

So first off in traffic, drive through whatever where I just need to move up a bit and accelerating very slowly the car is a bit jerky. Trying to figure out a better way of saying it but its like your fluttering the pedal a bit.

Than theres the clunking, slamming, from a stop or a slow down than accelerating. I did the adaptation reset which appeared to have helped but haven't driven it long enough but I did notice from a cool down and driving home in very cold weather the shifting was a bit harsh going to second last night coming home. I believe people are stating its normal for these transmissions when cold?

When accelerating I noticed that shifting to 1st, 2nd and 3rd is very quick. It shifts pretty quick while just driving normal at low rpms.

Now from reading theres a lot of people who stated the update of the transmission software did the trick is there anyway I can find out if I have the update? Or anyway to get the update from a non dealer, independent shop or is this dealer only?

Transmission fluid and filter change is next on my list to do.

Just wondering whats normal and whats not and what I could do to help smoothen things out!

Thanks in advance!