Ugh. Why Did I know I would run into some type of issue?
So I got my Vgate iCar WIFI adapter in the main today (bought on eBay, from links earlier in thread). The "lite" BMWhat app linked up to my truck in seconds and worked great. It scanned for issues just fine (and found 13 faults...

) and we I went to look at my coding options, it showed all of the ECUs and all of the expected options within them. Thinking everything was A-OK and knowing I needed the full version of the app to actually code (whole reason I bought this, mind you), I purchased the $50 full app. Then the fun begins...
After trying all of the E70 3.5i X5 options, I keep getting the "0" ECUs warning. Truck is running, bluetooth is off on my phone; everything as stated. After letting the app "Auto Detect" my vehicle/ engine, I get a prompt before even scanning stating that I can't code my truck over WiFi and I need to buy another cable and use an Android phone; neither of which I'm doing.
So am I missing something major? Or did I just hit the lotto with owning the one X5 that doesn't seem to work with the app?
Details:
Truck: 2012 X5 xDrive35i M-Sport
Dongle: vGate iCar (Blue!)
iPhone 6 using BMWhat App, FULL.