My wife asked me what I was getting her for Christmas/birthday (27 DEC) and I said... "Well I got you a baby (26 NOV)"...

She said "that doesn't count as she carried it for 9 months.."

I said... "Well if I put your Christmas present under the tree 10 months early and that she watered the tree for 9 months, that means it's still my gift to her under the tree..."

Question is... "How do you get a diaper shaped shit stain out of a white shirt?"

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"When the Team Chief said.... You're trapped in a hole with nothing but a goat and a slinky, what do you do? Stubby said, I'm not sure but it won't end well for the goat...." ~(Overheard) Last day, Phase 3, Q Course