OK..I made a good step forward....to load a updated phone book into the bmw do this....

When you pair the 2 make a call from the phone from a contact that is NOT in your Favorites...make sure the call comes through the bmw and you should see the new revised phone book entries....when you hang up the list will go away from the bmw but it looks like after several minuites it will eventually load (like after 10 min or more)....