Crazy Bird....

[broknlgs24]

ok guys and gals, i have a slight problem. it seems there
is a bird in my neighborhood that is a few beers short of a
6 pack. the last few times i've washed the X, i noticed a
day or so later that the right front passenger door has dirt
and all all over it. i figured that maybe i was using too much
tire dressing; so, i stopped using as much. this past sunday,
i'm getting dressed and i here this thumping sound. i look out
of my window and see this bird staring at my door. he then
proceeds to jump/fly into the door. after collecting himself,
he hops back up on the curb only to do it again and again and
again. after bashing himself into the side of my X, i believe that
he then proceeds to take a crap on it. so, last night, i
decide to give the X a quick bath. all seems fine w/ the door. unfortunately, i didn't look close enough. turns out, i have a
bunch of scratches from this stupid ass bird.

any suggestions on how to remedy this issue?