Thanks Charlie. I should clarify that I have the V8 4.4i engine, and I don't see anything that resembles the realoem diagram. The closest thing I see to a DISA valve is here, between the MAF sensor and the intake manifold:

But started poking around this morning, looking for any hoses that have cracks. This wouldn't be the first time I've found a cracked hose causing MIL codes to set off my check engine light. Last time I found a tiny vacuum hose which was cracked running from some air pump used to pump extra O2 to the calalytic converters during cold/startup running temps to burn off unburnt fuel.
Anyway, started poking around, removed some shrouding and cabin air filter box near the firewall and such and found two hoses that were disintegrated beyond recognition. Something to do with crankcase ventilator and/or oil separator, they are way at the back near the firewall:

and here is one of the cracked hoses:
These things would just melt in my hand. So I picked up two hoses from BMW Toronto this morning on my way to work ($150ish CAD!!) and plan on installing them soon. Doubtful this will fix my problem, but I'm here now anyway. I'll keep poking around, but I don't have a smoke machine to test for an air leak. Checked the dipstick and oil cap also, they seal fine.
Here are my codes, for those interested:
and after a clear I get 'EVAP not ready' and 'CAT not ready' (not pictured):