Need help please!2009 X5 e70 cranks but won't start

[jtiffany78]

Hi all,
I'm stalled out trying to diagnose a no start condition on my wife's' diesel. I did a full delete about two months ago (incorrect DEF fluid message, 200 miles to 'no start' (driven down to 10)and a bad EGR drove the decision) from Bimmer Performance Center, did the work myself, they did the flash. I don't think this has anything to do with my problem but I won't rule it out completely.
After the delete it ran (awesome!) for about three weeks, and 500+ miles. One night I stopped to get diesel at a Stripes, drove about 80 miles parked in the garage and it never started again. I suspected bad fuel but a local mechanic tested it and said it was fine, unfortunately he lacked the capability to communicate with the car so he gave up. He said he was able to spray WD40 down the intake (I had NO idea he was going to do that��,he said he disconnected the glow plugs at least) and it Would stay running as long as he kept spraying, then it would die.
I also checked the sending unit and it was pumping fuel out of the tank, fuel filter isn't clogged.
Things of note:
There are NO codes, errors or a CEL.
The oil change is exactly 1100 miles overdue according to the computer (I know, bad owner!)
The odometer is exactly 101000 miles
There were no signs of a problem at any point, no rough idle/running, great acceleration, no smoke.
My current logic train is a fuel pump relay, fuel pump control unit or HPFP. I can't find a relay anywhere that other writeups say it should be. However, I double checked my connections to the ECU and noticed a little panel that attaches to the ECU container popped loose and has the exact same relay. I don't know how common that particular relay is throuout the vehicle and I'm suspicious of the location. Since it was loose I could see how the extra vibration might break the relay but again I can't find anything that says that's where the fuel pump relay lives.
I'm ready to burn this car down though, it ran about 3 weeks in the past year due to all the maintenance but we still owe the bank. Also no shops in this town have the technology to scan the car and all of the shops I called in San Antonio (3 hours away) won't touch the car due to the deletes, stating the deletes are the problem.

Any and all suggestions are welcome and appreciated.
Thanks in advance,
JT