OK, you have a TCU unit with integrated BT and it also has added support for VR (voice recognition).

This unit should ask to pair within 30sec of turning on the ignition.

So:

Jump in the car.

Enable BT on your phone.

Turn on search for BT devices (on your phone)

make sure its in search mode, then turn on ignition.

the phone should then "see" the TCU, (eg: BMWXXXXX) and you then select it (not sure if you get a pair code).

once connected, enable auto connect (on the phone) and that should do it.

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Sept 03, M3, Silver Grey. Retro-fits: Modded Mk4 DVD Drive, OEM Bluetooth, VR Control, Rainbow Speaker Upgrade, Sony SOT Amp, HK Sub, CCFL, Intravee II, NightMode.