Mourning from Afar or time to take the plane

[jsoto]

Guys -

Could not sleep at all last night. Just found out a old friend who moved a couple states over who I lost contact with is in final stages of lung cancer. I'd like to think to myself as a young man - early 30's and the last funeral I went to was almost 10+ years ago when a distant relative died and I had no clue who this person was, other than it was family. Some of you forum members are a bit more wiser and older.

What is the difference to ~mourn~ from afar versus being at the wake/funeral. I still hold this person with the highest regard and respect in my heart. Money/travel is not the issue. I'm just not good at funerals. I don't know protocol.

I'm not the most eloquent person when it comes to words so I hope this post still comes out well intended.

HTH

[motordavid]

Having been to dozens of funerals and wakes in my 68 1/2 orbits around the Sun, your decision is really yours to make.

Being in person at these ceremonies is really for 'us' and maybe the deceased person's family, and your/their group of friends, imo.

If logistics or time or lack of recent contact is a concern, it is your choice to fling yourself 'there' or maybe just reflect on that relationship from afar...maybe a well done note of rememberance sent to your friend's close kin.

Protocol at funerals? Dunno...everyone is different and everyone will deal with that situ differently. I don't recall seeing any 'unacceptable' protocol at the dozens I have been to.

Grief is a human condition, and we all deal with it differently. Whether you choose to attend or not, is purely your decision and may or may not have some affect on your period of grief and the usual steps in that process.

I lost my best friend on the planet this past Autumn, to Alzheimer's. A friend of 35 years, and like many I have lost over the years, thoughts of him cross my mind every day.

It is what we are, when we lose someone we care deeply for, but your decision to 'go' or not go is acceptable to anyone and everyone, and is yours to make, imo.
My 50 Cts.
GL, mD

[Joshdub]

I'm sorry for your loss.

The decision is purely up to you, and either choice is acceptable. A gathering, like MD said, is really for the rest of us. It offers some closure and helps some with the grieving process. It sounds to me like you do desire to go, but you don't want to feel awkward when you do. That's a normal feeling. You can certainly go and keep it low key, you aren't required to mingle with others.

As far as mourning from a far vs at the funeral, I am not aware of any differences other than it probably provides some with closure. There are some beneifts from the social aspect that help heal in a physiological and psychological way.

In my opinion, the best possible thing you can do is to disclose your feelings. It will help with the emotional stress and anxiety that comes with something like this. I know it may sound silly, but even just writing how you are feeling (you don't even need to let anyone read it) can help significantly. Others get this disclosure by attending then funeral and grieving with others, if you do choose not to go, I believe you should find a way to disclose from a far, don't just bottle it up and keep to yourself.

Anyway, I hope this helps.