So I went to check out Episode III today, hit the 11:30am show.

Either there are a LOT of people who work the late shift, like me, or the DC Metro area is running wild with the unemployed, because the 10:30 and 11:15 were both sold out also, and the 11:30 was packed.

Anyhow, I went in extra early, got a good seat in the middle of the stadium seating theater. It starts to fill up, eventually I'm bordered on one side by a young woman who asks "skyooz me, can you possibly use dat otha cup holda?", to which I obliged. Coulda got a contact high she reeked of the Mary Jane so bad. While I was paying attention to her request, someone takes the empty seats on the other side of me. To the right of me now sits a Jedi in full regalia, robe, lightsaber, the dude can barely sit still he's so friggin amped. Yeah. Hard for me not to get up and move right away, but I had a good seat, dammit. I hope no one thought I was boys with the Jedi. He tried to strike up some convo, and I gave him 3 or 4 short answers and he finally turned to his buddy and left me alone.

His buddy is dressed like an average everyday normal dude, but I notice he's rocking out to one of those cell phone/mp3 player combos, loud enough so everyone around can hear every lyric of Snoop Dogg's latest hits.

He's jamming through the coming attractions, and as the lights dim, I am contemplating grabbing the device and telling him he can have it back after the show when the Jedi tells him to turn it off, cause the movie's starting.

20 mins into the movie, the beyatch next to me is snoring while leaning against her boyfriend's shoulder (thank God not leaning my way), and the Jedi's buddy is text messaging someone. Hard not to notice the lighted screen of a cell phone in a dark theater, especially when it's 4 feet from you.

This went on sporadically thoroughout the movie, the screen lighting up constantly and I was on the verge of saying something to the douche when he dropped the phone, and the nearby audience listened as the phone went "CLUNK! SMACK! CRASH!" all the way down the aisle from about 10 rows up. That got more applause than any scene in the movie and the Jedi's pal ran down sheepishly to retrieve the phone, which was likely in pieces, and never returned.

Justice served, but because the law won't allow me to whoop someone's ass in a non-sanctioned environment, I am gonna get better surround sound system and never venture out to the theater again.

JV

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JV

What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know...it's what we know for sure that just ain't so