More actual excuses given to employers.

"I'm too drunk to drive to work."

"I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet."

"I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work." (Employee was not in the medical profession.)

"I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened."

"My boyfriend's snake got loose and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home."

"I'm too fat to get into my work pants."

"God didn't wake me." (Employee didn't believe in alarm clocks and thought a higher power would wake her when she was ready.)

"I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor."

"The ghosts in my house kept me up all night."

"I forgot I was getting married today."

"My cow bit me."

"My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can't get it out."

"I was watching a guy fixing a septic pump, fell in the hole and hurt myself."

"I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back."

"My house lock jammed, and I'm locked in."